No seriously. More and More I am obsessed with the idea of this blog and what it means to me. It was truly born out of mere frustration, the inability to be authentic with everyone around me, and to hold … Continue reading
Here is a little background of the Journey I am walking through, with a more uplifting outlook……hence the weakening spirit!! Always an important reminder…….
I have had this innate desire to reach out and “Blog” all things applicable, only to find out, that my “applicable” is most likely not something I am willing to share with those around me. So…. my journey stagnated. Nothing in my head fits into the socially acceptable, and positively uplifting category anymore. Stands to reason, that I have surrounded myself with people that I do not trust, and do not have authentic relationships with. Whether that be a fault of mine or not, I’m not sure. Society at large doesn’t want to look beyond the facade anymore. At least, not where I am from.
Vague is what I’m best at, so hopefully starting an “anonymous” blog will allow me to get real. My goal in this journey is to perhaps look through a different set of eyes, to find reason……. and if not, to let the world know (that doesn’t know ME) just how ambiguous life as a REAL housewife really is. Yes, this is me, but it may be you, your sister, your best friend, or your wife. Things that need to be understood, yet will NEVER be said…… because of course, we are supposed to be “The Good Wife”.
I DO love my husband, but we are coming to a crossroads, and I think it will be interesting at best, to document this bridge and see where we come out on the other side. I have spent sooo much time attempting to put all the pieces where they belong, and today I woke up and wanted to rattle the cage and shake all the pieces til they crumbled on the floor. (Like drain the bank account, and pack my belongings and set out to write a new chapter) But the “Good Wife” in me, rationalized all the reasons that was not okay, for the good of the whole. I decided to start a new blog instead. (Harmless or not….. probably the best alternative.)
Therefor, I sit in utter frustration, completely not understanding who I even am anymore and what part of me is even acceptable anymore. Then….. i come to realize that perhaps there was another Mom in the carpool lane feeling that very same angst. Perhaps there are MILLIONS of us……I’m betting on it.
I would not change many details of my life, but I would change some circumstances. A loveless marriage is one of them. Loveless in the matters of the heart……..not loveless in a “I don’t care whether you are dead or alive” kind of way. I think we want to love each other, but from the word GO, I feel as if everything has been done to build a wall of distrust, to the point that we are caged in, and desperately want out.
It will be interesting to see where this Journey leads, these are some of the most difficult days of my life, and MAN have I had some bad days before. But I am feeling my spirit weakening….. and I need to connect!! I’m hoping you will come laugh with me, and cry with me, and celebrate with me, and find strength with me.
The beauty of each day is it comes with a new second every second to make decisions, ones that can change the course of our lives…… our future, and our legacy. My legacy seems to be the thing I have tried to “create” and protect, but it’s not authentic. I’m hoping to find a way to be me, un-appologetically, and still be endeared. That being said…….. I hope nobody I KNOW ever stumbles upon these pages!!
I have a LONG way to go…….